Family's Ghost
by daydream1000
Summary: Are we defined by what or have, or by what we lack? Narcissa's thoughts, during the first war.


_I do not own the Blacks or Malfoys._

I was born without melanin in my skin, a rare condition known as albino. I must have come as a shock to my parents, born with white curls and eyes of muted red. The rest of my family, even my cousins, all had such darks eyes and hair. In portraits, I look like the family ghost, a stark contrast to those who surround me. If you really did look hard, I closely resembled my older sister Bella, but with opposite coloring. We were like two opposing pieces on a chessboard.

When I was a child, my mother kept me deliberately out of the sun, so afraid of the effects. My eyes were not kept their birth color either. By the time I could remember, mother had already charmed them. They came out a strange, dazzling blue.

As my sisters were allowed to run on the lawns and in the gardens as they pleased, I was kept in the shade of an umbrella or in the shelter of the house. My mother always fussed over me, making sure I carried myself well to make up for my out startling appearance.

"Don't squint so Cissy," she would say, "It ruins your pretty face." My eyes have always been weak, far away objects appearing muted and blurry. Soon I learned to give up trying to see things properly that were not close to me. I never was allowed to wear glasses.

"Sit up straight now, be graceful on the stairs, and hold your head like this. Be careful 'round the house, you bruise so easily." I would often spend hours in front of the mirror, contemplating the image before me. Why was it that I was they way I was?

I wondered why I could not be strong, why I always had to hide from the sun. I did not understand what would happen. When I was six, Bella convinced me to sneak out of doors, to take on my enemy face to face. At the time, I thought she was helping me, but really, I was just one of her first sadistic experiments. I burned within hours, and was bedridden for days. When Bella told me it was because I was weak, I believed her.

Spending my days indoors, trying to stay as poised as possible, I became very observant. I knew my parents were concerned about Bella and her violent temper. I saw that my younger sister Anie was growing apart from the rest of us; sometimes she would look at our home as if her surroundings baffled her. When mother would tell her to do something, she would deliberately do the opposite. I knew my parents fought over money, that we did not have as much as people thought we did.

All through school, I had a quiet nature, introverted and easily embarrassed. I could not bear the thought of people thinking me pale and strange. I suppose many interpreted these tendencies as snobbery, butI was just so afraid so what they thought, craving approval. I was horrified that both my sisters did not seem to care what others said about them, whether it be the family or girls in my house at school.

I was an average student. I was not a star like first-born Bella, nor was not a troublemaker like my younger sister and cousin. I wanted to blend in, not to make a spectacle of myself. A boy noticed me however, in Bella's year. He initially expressed an interest in her, but she proved too outspoken for most of the boys. She was the kind of girl others moved aside for as she walked down the hall, holding her head high as if she were a queen. I would usually trail in her wake, in awe of her power. Around her, no one would mock the pale girl with unnatural blue eyes. As for the boy, Lucius, I liked that he also had such light hair, that he listened to me when I spoke andtold me often how well I carried myself. I would hold my head higher when he was around. With him, I felt proud. I was convinced he could take care of me, I always considered myself delicate, hurt so easily by sharp corners or the rays of the sun. I had never known a time when others did not shelter me. His family was wealthy and influential, and I knew I would be well looked after. He could even save my family from poverty.

I was mildly horrified when he did not ask for my hand our last year in school, and even more so when years began to pass and we were still simply dating. Anie was married right out of school, to a boy my parents deplored. When she disowned us for him, I thought my own chances were shot, that the shame she brought to our family was too great. Soon after Anie had a daughter, one who mother refused to recognize as kin. My fears only grew when my cousin ran away from home.

Nevertheless, nothing between he and I changed. I quietly waited and continued to watch. Bella married, though I think she did it to get away from mother. I saw as she too drifted further from us, loosing herself to a dark power. I saw my family fall apart at the seams and I saw my mother suffer because of it. When she died one cold autumn night, I thought the world was over. My father fully withdrew, locking himself for days on end in his study. I alone remained, the family ghost, haunting the halls of a deserted house.

To my surprise, Lucius proposed that summer. We were married in September and I believed my future finally secure. I believed myself in love with him; I think I forced the idea into my head. There was just was not anyone else.

I became the mistress of a new house, one that I would not let fall apart around me.

One night, months ago, Bella came to me, near crazed. She said she needed rest, that she needed to hide for a while, and that she had always looked to me for comfort and safety. She said they would be looking for her. I took her in, not letting the consequences enter my mind. She is my sister, after all. When two hard faced ministry wizards came to the door, I told them to sternly to leave. When the pressed to search the house, I held my ground demanding the get out. I told them she was at her own home, that I had not seen her in weeks. My thoughts flashed to my infant son, asleep upstairs. I screamed at them to get out, to leave my baby and me alone. I had no idea I was able to use such force in my words. They looked at each other briefly and departed.

The next morning Bella said that I should not have lied. That I should have stood and fought them off. She said that what a real noble Black would have done. But, when she told me I was weak, I knew she was wrong. I had protected my home and my family, something she had never even tried to do. She left that morning and I have not seen her since.

I am fully aware of the danger that is now everywhere. However, I will do what ever it takes to keep my family safe. Let them think less of me; I have more to protect then a reputation. I have a family. I would do anything to keep that from falling apart again. I do not care if I have to lie or cheat; I don't care anymore about the nobility of the name Black. Let the darkness come, I can easily move with it. I can easily hide in shadows. After all, I have never really ever known the light of the sun.


End file.
